When the Past Still Sneaks Up On You

By freestocks-photos on pixabay

When you decide to put the past behind you, it may still want to rule your present. It continues to tap you on the shoulder to get your attention, and it’s so easy to let it get hold of you.

I made the decision last week to let the past be the past and move forward. (I wrote about it here.) But you can’t ignore what’s following you around tapping you on the shoulder, reminding you of how you need to stay in line with the old pattern of being. Maybe trying to let it go isn’t what I need to do. I get the feeling I need to accept it and let it be a part of me. I can still learn from it. I just need to be aware enough to not let it rule my present.

Earlier this week I was experiencing some pretty severe anxiety. It seemed to be about everything in the past. The distance between me and my past felt good at first. I felt freer and could see it better. But maybe that was only the first part of a bigger process. Forgiveness is acceptance about the past, but if I don’t fully accept it, if I keep it at arm’s length, can I forgive myself and others? It doesn’t feel as though I can.

Can I fully embrace my past? Can I love and forgive myself and others? I’ve brought awareness to how the past affects my present and my behavior. But I have yet to fully embrace it. I put it behind me enough so I could acknowledge it when it tried to get ahead of me, but apparently it’s still too easy to fall into those old patterns.

Something I call the Recovery Wheel came to me about month ago. I think it may be exactly what I need to truly move forward. I just need to use it. So, that’s what I’m going to do. To keep myself accountable, I’m going to write about my experience with it here. It uses the seasons as a framework and begins with first harvest often called Lammas on August 1^st. Time to dive deep before the Fall Equinox and the second part on the eight part Recovery Wheel.

Drop by here every Friday to see how it’s going. Or you can sign up for my weekly email list where I share my writings for the week. If the work resonates with you, follow along and do your own work. I’ll write about the practical exercises I used so you can use them, too.

As the wheel turns and the seasons change, I know we can too. But the larger truth is there really is no need to change for we are already perfect. We need only reveal the truth of our being with love, trust and forgiveness. Love opens our hearts and eyes, trust keeps them open through the storms and forgiveness breaks down the barriers that keep us from feeling perfect love and perfect trust.