Wednesday, February 14, 2018

The Heart Will Have Its Day


Photo by suju on Pixabay


Lately the clouds around my heart have begun to clear. The anger I’ve been feeling regarding my mother and the past has started to subside. I feel more pain, but I also feel more love. There is a tender spot in my heart for her now. I know that we were/are kindred spirits. Her father died when she was 16 and it changed her whole life. I know some of her struggles as a parent stemmed from that experience.

Today is the day of the heart. Living life from the heart takes a willingness to feel the range of emotions we are capable of feeling. There is no holding on to any of them. I don’t want to hold onto anger any longer, but I will let myself feel it when it shows up.

Of course the heart knows no boundaries when we let it be and so the day of the heart must be every day. The true cauldron of healing is the heart itself. It’s where the alchemy takes place. Our lives are containers, too. But the magic of transformation happens within our inner cauldron, our heart.

Today I will take a moment to write my mother a Valentine. Love has already begun to transform our relationship. The past is being stirred into a richer story with every turn of emotion I let myself go through. The sky is clearing and the love that was always there warms my soul.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Rise Above Your Stories into the Song




Photo by Paul Morris on Unsplash

The pattern blocks the view. If I look beyond the patterns of behavior I learned as a child, things are so much clearer. Patterns of worry and of acting as though I’m not worthy become bars on the window of my perception. In the world behind bars, day is night and night is day if that’s the story I want to tell.

I see the pattern, the bars blocking my view and they aren’t real. At any moment I can become aware of them and not let them hold me in or hold me back. But sometimes it feels so real, as though I’m actually cut off from fresh air and light. Locked into a holding pattern with no way out, I circle round and round inside a story that conjures up fear.

Like right now, I’m worried. Every time my husband goes somewhere in the car, I’m back in the pattern of worry that began when my mother was gone every night working. One night she got into an accident just a few months after my father died. It’s when I began to expect the other shoe to drop. And it’s dropped a few times with my husband which has strengthened the pattern of worry.

The center of the pattern, my belief in something other than good, cannot hold as I distance myself from the narrow view, turn toward the horizon, and rise above the crumbled tower to see the larger pattern within a larger pattern still, shadows cast by our stories. Beyond the shadow dance is the song that vibrates our very being. When we close our eyes, we hear the truth and move into its flow.

Knowing this I tend not to stay in the holding pattern as long. I can feel peace now…if I choose to. Not quite there yet. I’m still learning to trust, to feel peace even if he’s not home yet. To relax even in the rubble is to know there is more to the story.

Today there are no ruins, just an old pattern to leave behind. He’s home now. And it was always okay.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Blessings of a Shadowed Moon



Photo by Anders Jildén

My husband roused me early this morning to see the blood red moon. The eclipse was already underway as the shadowed moon at its fullest was setting. It was as though Luna’s brilliant reflective light was turned to blood by the Earth’s shadow, our shadow.

But blood isn’t just about woundedness and death. There is blood at birth too. Out of the pain and struggle something new is born. But first the shadow must rise and be seen. This is the nature of healing, the nature of being reborn.

As I lay down again to rest a while longer, I thought about the challenges the world is dealing or not dealing with. We as a whole seem to be casting a large shadow across our own reflective light. These thoughts lead me to wonder if somewhere in all this are the words that want to be born through me.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s Waiting on Wingbeats & Stars blog, I am waiting on the words. My goal for this year was to write and publish articles, but all the ideas I have come out stillborn. And then yesterday I realized the healing I’ve been doing has brought what it is I am to write closer and closer to the surface. Sharing my story like I’ve been doing here is a part of it, but I sense there is more.

As we heal we release our soul’s potential. Any blockage you feel is something to be healed. The shadow you cast upon your inner reflective light is simply that which you don’t want to acknowledge. It could be something you don’t like about yourself or something you want to love, but don’t feel good enough or worthy enough to step into.

So I will wait on those wingbeats and stars and I will continue to know I am good enough, that I am not my circumstances but the light that is reflected in my heart.

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Time is the Wind Time is a Mountain




Photo by Paul Gilmore on Unsplash

The trees are rustled by the wind, a fleeting breeze passing through. For a moment the trees get to dance and shake loose the leaves they no longer need.

In the distance, the mountains rise against sky, have been there for ages. Life comes and goes upon them. They still stand.

For a brief time we are here, standing on a spinning planet that will go on long after we’re gone. The brevity of a breeze, the longevity of a mountain, our time here must pass as though it were both.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how I live my life. I’m afraid I’ll run out of time to do all the things I want to do and yet I feel weighed down and unable to gather my energy to do those things. I move in slow motion. Time passes and I look back not seeing what I want to leave behind. The mountain is not rising.

And then I remember time is subjective. In order to live life with all of its ebbs and flows I need to see it as both the wind and the mountain. It is both fleeting and stretches infinitely before me.

To live as though time were infinite, a mountain standing steady through the ages, is to give yourself time to breathe and take in the gift of being here. There is no need to rush. There is enough time and what you accomplish today is enough even if you only got out of bed and spent the day staring out the window at wind through trees and mountains. Today the air is clear. I can see the mountains and know that the eternal is right here where I am.

The wind passes quickly and then all is still again. To live as though time were but a brief moment is to remind yourself to make the most of each day. I’ve learned not to rush, but I also know tomorrow isn’t a mountain but a breeze that may or may not pass through.

What both of these ways of living do is make me aware that now is what I have. Now is both fleeting and eternal. We are all just a wink in time and of the eons of galaxies, exploding stars and the dark and light beyond. Time stretches before us. How we choose to view it, to use it is up to us.

In every moment make time what you need it to be in order to heal. Today I see it as a mountain that will stand for an eternity. I’ll let it pass as it will without having to grasp it. I rest in the ever present now and let the mystery be.




Why Cauldron of Healing?

A cauldron is a container in which things are transformed by the heat of fire. The fire represents those experiences that help us grow. Our life is the cauldron, the container our soul uses to heal, transform and free us. Here is what I mean by freedom.

Freedom is to enter life more fully,
not to escape it.

Freedom is to enter the body more fully,
not to transcend it.

Freedom is to enter the moment more fully,
not to move beyond it.

Freedom is…

yours.

Cauldron of Healing

The fire brings changes.
Life brings changes.

The wood burns and I with it.
There is no other light but that
which burns within.

The cauldron bears the heat.
All within breaks down just enough
for something new to be born.

I am stirred.
My emotions, my sense of balance
stirred until something else begins.

The heat. The fire. Soon…
the moment of my rebirth.

Joanne Young Elliott ©2016
 

The Heart Will Have Its Day

Photo by suju on Pixabay Lately the clouds around my heart have begun to clear. The anger I’ve been feeling regarding my mother and...