Through a Veil of Tears & Time

In a moment of remembered abandonment by my mother, tears flow and a piece of music called Elegy begins to play on Spotify.

The memory was of a time when I finally understood my mother was no longer going to live with me and my brother. She had made other choices and being my mother wasn’t one of them.

I’ve been grieving my mother for 34 years. She left emotionally when my father died. It took me a few years to realize she just couldn’t be there for us. This past September, the day before my birthday, she took her final leaving. Though I wish to know it as an ever becoming, my heart feels the leaving.

Listening to the music makes me sad. Anger still comes up, too. I just feel it all and as I do I start to feel for my mother. And maybe that’s the most painful part of all.

Elegy for My Mother

I peer through the veils of time as they blow in the wind.

Catch glimpses of…

You laughing as you push higher and higher. 

The swing set pumping against the earth.

You were a force.

Your heart started my heart.

You pushed me into this world.

And now I look back and see

you always moving.

Time took so much away from you.

It took you away from me.

And yet, I see you still,

smiling as I snapped a picture

while you hung the sheets on the line.

Sails in the wind, veils of time

parted for me

for you…